The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

In three years at working for the company that I currently bust my ass at, I've been on excellent terms with everyone from the receptionist to the CEO himself. There has been only one fat-ass backstabbing bitch that has probably shaved off 3 years of my life, and I hate the bitch (and so does everyone else).

Yet, when she speaks (bitches) to my boss about things (who is her boss, too), she makes herself out to be the hero and everyone else is shit. She has done it to everyone from A to Z - I can have 10 new posters come on here and all tell you a similar story about the exact same person. It hadn't happened to me in quite a long time, until this afternoon, where a project that she did not follow up on came back to cost us.

What Happened:
I work with Web Analytics. Web Analytics is basically the study of how people behave on the internet, at a micro (site) level. Part of Web Analytics is troubleshooting and investigating. Anyways, two big client's particular web analytics accounts were not functioning properly, which 9 times out of 10 means that the pages of the website do not have the necessary tracking scripts or codes present, or installed incorrectly, which causes tracking to cease or causes the web analytics program to display "garbled" data.

So, two big clients (on Friday) were discussed at lenght between me and Ms. Bitch. Ms. Bitch took notes, sat right next to me on friday and had complete, detailed, and exacting instructions on what she needed to inform the client's technical team to implement on their website pages in order to get the web analytics program to work 100%. Today, on Wednesday, I get a trouble-ticket in our internal database (we use bugzilla, so we call it a "bug") from Ms. Bitch, asking "why isn't this working yet?". So, knowing already what didn't happen (she didn't follow up with the client - like i said it happens all the time), I basically repeated my notes and directions from Friday in this trouble-ticket, and closed it out (which sends her an email).

20 minutes later, my boss sends me an email that states how incredibly disappointed she is with me and how she can't believe it and etc... Now, people here that know me know I can get angry and loud very quickly - however, (and Dave can vouch), at work, I am not - I keep it professional and a very good team dynamic. So I don't "blow up" at work is basically what i'm saying. However, I blew up at my boss, but about Ms. Bitch. I couldn't even help it or control it - it all came out (how Ms. Bitch doesn't do shit, how she complains to my boss about me and every other employee, etc..). I later calmed down and had to apologize to my boss, who thankfully is incredibly professional and understanding and thinks very highly of me, as I do to her as well.

So Ms. Bitch then writes an email saying "I am sorry that you took this personally..", and I very carefully chose my words and explained to her that the only reason I did take it personally is because...well...you backstabbed me BITCH!! (Not in those words of course but in the most professional manner possible). I explained to her how "doing an end-around" on me makes me look like i'm a piece of shit and unreliable - say what you want about me personally, I don't give a shit, I am the dwayne wade of business and I take very pride in that, so when someone goes behind your back and talks shit, no sir I don't do that.

"...But how do you know what she said? Were you there?"
She MUST have said something. My boss isn't a micro-manager - she doesn't know the intricate details of any project of any client. It went from my repeating of my response to Ms. Bitch in my trouble-ticket database to 20 minutes later my boss sending me that "...dissapointed..." email. How did my boss know about this? Because Ms. Bitch had to tell her, and she clearly told her something unfair and flat-out false about me for my Boss to be disappointed and embarrased by me, when I have done nothing wrong! You don't go from hunky-dory to "i'm disappointed in you" in 20 minutes unless someone is telling a false story (backstabbing).

Also, as I've mentioned, this isn't the first time folks - Ms. Bitch has done this to several people, several times before. The only thing that I fault (other than blowing up - hey once every 3 years isn't a bad average) is that I assumed that Ms. Bitch had changed her ways. You see, she was demoted from her position which managed people (which she is horrible at), and some other job changes, so I really thought that this would change things with her. Nope - sure didn't. Same old antics. Fucking unbelievable.

I'm really just distraught about this - i really like working where I work, I like the job / work that I do, it could be a place where I work the next 10 years easily, and I would have a job there no matter what. But then you just have to question - if they are not going to do something about a co-worker that is a backstabbing fat-ass bitch, how can you "win"? Better yet, how the hell can you accomplish anything at all? And, it's not like no-one has ever talked about this - people have brought this up to her directly, people have sent her emails, and I personally have reported her to HR about it like 1.5 years ago for this exact same issue. Apparently everything was going OK - but now I think that I need to re-report it back to HR, because that way it's officially on the record that her performance is a load of shit.

So...I'd like to do something different to end this "rant". I'd like to dedicate a song to Ms. Bitch. It's called "Prostitute Song", by "Gröûp X - Arabian Rap Sensations". Download the MP3 and sing along!

Watch the YouTube Video Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dcs2V6kfrxE&feature=related

(talking)
prostitute
i hate you
put down the oreo crakers
and quit doing the sex
this is for you

(now singing)
hey girl
if it wernt for you
every day after school I'd have nothing to do
I went to your house like evryday
your a stupid bitch cuz you gave me some play
but I didn't like it
it wasnt very good
now you are a prostitute of neighorhood
and chocolate cake and chocolate pie
that is how you get very big theigh

and I do not like your very big theigh
besides you have been with too many guys
and I do not like your cottage cheese theighs
besides you have been with too many guys
stop it stop it stop it

you do sex
you need to stop
every guy is not lolly pop
if you turned to dinosaur when you did the sex
every day you would be the Tyronasourus Rex
if when you did the sex i got a nikel
I would have enough to buy a new tricycle
Then I could buy a pair of brand new tennis shoes
but look out bitch you might get HIQ

now you are prostitute who tells lies
got no friends so you sit there and cry

chubby chin chubby cheek chubby thiegh
you have been with too many guys
I do not like your cottage cheese thieghs
besides you have been with too many guys
and I do not like your poo poo thieghs
besides bitch you have been with too many guys
stop it stop it stop it

you eat chocolate cake and chicken
you spend too much time it the kitchen
you touch my hot stick then I go to dinner
then you try to move in with the Mrs. Withers
you just gave me turkey breast and turkey leg
bitch you should enroll with julie craig
you know who you are and it's not a surprise
besdies bitch you have been with too many guys

and I do not like your cottage cheese theighs
besides you have been with too many guys
and I do not like your poo poo thieghs
bedies you have been with too many guys
stop it stop it stop it

stop it, stop it, stop it, bitch, stop it
stop it, stop it, stop it, bitch, stop it
stop it, stop it, stop it, bitch, stop it
stop it, stop it, stop it, bitch, stop it

not 10 guys
not 18 guys
not 2 and a half guys
not 100 guys
not 800 guys
not choot choot guys
not 30 guys
too many guys!!!

P.S. My favorite line of "Prostitute Song" is "if you turned to dinosaur when you did the sex, every day you would be Tyranosaurus Rex". Fucking awesome.

Somebody had a very bad day.

I like the line "not choot choot guys".

The rant was average, but the song attachment made it for the win.  Well done.

Don't worry about her Jtex.  This could be the incident that gets her a pink slip.

Who is Julie Craig?  Is that Jennie Craig"s hot arabian sister?

edit - HOLY SHIT the video is HILARIOUS!

What a bummer. I was called out for something I didn't do wrong the other day as well. It centered on our client not having full knowledge of a situation and then addressing my boss. The funny thing is both our client and my boss had been forwarded the e-mail chain so if they had just read it rather than jumping to half informed conclusions it never would have happened.

You mean there are people out there who will stab you in the back to make themselves look better, who would have thought it

That sucks, dude.  There seriously isn't anything worse than feeling like someone is behind the scenes at the place where you make your coin twisting the knife.  I don't have any ideas or suggestions - but I do feel your pain.  I hope things improve.

Is there a reader's digest version of this rant somewhere? I'm interested in hearing who Joe is pissed at now, but can't dedicate an entire morning to it...

Word. I need the Cliff's Notes on this one.

Oh my God, Group X made it on the board, finally.

I saw them perform at GA Tech one day about 4 years ago, shortly after their Live DVD was released. Those guys are fucking hilarious. Their two Waffle House prank calls are possibly the funniest prank calls of all time.