The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

Dear Santa Jed,

I believe that I have been a good boy this year.  I only have one wish this Christmas season.  Please trade me Adrian Gonzalez.  I will even personally walk to San Diego in Crocs and carry him back to Boston "piggy back" style. 

In return you may have the following:
Clay Buchholz
Jacoby Ellsbury
Ryan Westmoreland
Michael Bowden

If you don't allow this trade to happen I very well may flip out.  My team's offense consists of Marco Whoteroh, Mike Cameron and Jeremy Hermitcrab as my potential 7, 8 and 9 hitters. 

Christ, the more I read those names I'll even throw in another prospect of your choosing, other than Lars Anderson or Casey Kelly. 

Yours very truly,
Panic in Boston

LOL...and a complete ROFL here. Mercy!

You know, my northerly friend, how I feel about Adrian Gonzalez. I loved him before we got him and have never wavered in my very healthy man-love for the Padres only true power source. That said, your offer is relatively droolworthy. Instead of adding another prospect to the Buchholz-Ellsbury-Westmoreland-Bowden package though, take Bowden off and add Lars, and I think we can come to terms in short order. ;D

Sincerely,
Santa's not-so-little helper

Dear Santa,

If we are adding Lars Anderson to the deal I would like to respectfully request that Westmoreland is taken off.  I believe that sending two MLB ready players (Buchholz and Ellsbury) along with Lars "I am going to hit one million home runs some day" Anderson would be a great package.  I will still include Bowden, who has shown promise in his MLB starts (and appearances out of the bullpen).

To compensate, please feel free to rummage through our lower A system for another positional player of your choosing.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Still flipping out in Boston because I just replaced Jason Bay with a guy that used to be teammates with Ty Cobb.

Dear Large Market Bigwig,

We are not overly concerned with a renegotiation...you can afford the price we named. Adrian Gonzo, in the cozy confines of Fenway, is a 45-50 HR .300 hitting beast waiting to put jewelry on your fingers and join the Sox immortals. You want to haggle over a prospect who may someday, one day, hit a bunch of home runs?

You just don't want Adrian badly enough, methinks...

Sincerely,

Tired of the rich complaining about the price of beer

Dear Fat Ass, errrr, Santa,

Fine.  Lars in in.

Please place AG in a box and ship him via UPS to the following address:

Fenway Park
Boston, MA

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,
A guy was a giant hole where his ass used to be.

Sure wish Jed would hire me to negotiate his deals...