The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

I.  Take off my sock and use it as a puppet. 
II. The one ear-ed elephant
III.  Speak to people in dialectics.  They don't get it and it just pisses them off.
IV.  Attempt to drink all the Jack Daniels in the bar.
V.  Berate the party host for not having an open bar.
VI.  Listen to someone's absolutely half baked absurd political theories and then explain to them why they shouldn't be allowed to leave the house or have children.
VII. Explain in vivid detail how I know Mr. X cheats on his wife and where Ms. Y spends her Saturday nights.
VIII.  Take a bar stool/chair, put it on top of my head and yell out "I'm a moose.  GET IT?!"
IX.  Chase people around with a stick.  This is mostly for when someone bitches about my sidearm.
X.  Threaten to beat someone to death with a stapler, even though it was funny.
XI.  Refer to someone as "that silly son of a bitch over there/Mr. and Mrs. BigFuckinRidiculousFace/Mr. Midlife Crisis/Mrs. Menopause/Titsgirl/Fidel/Adolf/Osama/Henry Kissinger Jr." the list goes on and on
XII.  spit on the floor.
XIII.  Stick pretzels/pens/pencils in my upper lip and go "I'm a walrus."
XIV.  Berate the band/music for sucking even if it does in fact suck.
XV.  Share my Xmas list with random strangers the exception being this website (see other post).

For me:

Anything.

My boss is a holier than though Mr Squeaky clean weenie. Even though my company gives money for Christmas parties, my DM doesn't want us to drink...even if we pay for our own drinks. So, we get a McDonalds breakfast, while listening to him babble about the company.

Whoo hoo!

Frimp, I wouldn't advertize this but situations like that call for an obvious solution.  It's the bottle under the floormat trick.  Grab your favorite hard liquor and sneak it in your drink.  Leave the bottle in the car under the floormat or a newspaper works well.  Then you can pass the time a lot quicker and play your cards right, you won't fall asleep when tuning out the boss.