The Dolphins Make Me Cry.com - Forums

A recent event that happened to me inspired this thread. I think we all have some pretty funny stuff happen to us and can't wait to hear your stories. I have several, but here is the most recent.

The wife and I are driving down the road in my X-Terra (love it) making casual conversation. She mentioned seeing a letter from Nissan in the mail...conversation went like this...

Wife (W): Hey, I saw you got a letter from Nissan. What did they want?

Me: It was a "recall notice". Before I could say anything else she really went off...

Wife: I don't trust those notices. They just want to get you to the dealership and try to sell you other repairs......

(she went on and on)

Me: Silent....

Wife after a few minutes: What was the notice about anyway?

Me: Something about a possible defective bolt that holds down the passenger seat (remember, we are driving down the road and she is in the passenger seat). They say it could come apart in the case of a crash.

Wife: YOU NEED TO GET THAT FIXED!!!

LMAO!!!

 

Pretty funny! Hey Fins I looked you up via Internet, it's just not the same without you. I hope you don't mind chasing you down. My story is..... My friend owns and pampers he's car like it was his girl, actually he has not had a girl for awhile and when it was time for him to upgrade and sell his car, I suggested that the add read " pristine passenger seat"! Hehehe!

LMAO! You have a mean streak.  :D

My daily routine was to put a couple of bottles of water in the freezer for a couple of hours before getting off work and hitting the gym. They would stay cold and last my entire workout.

One day I am on one of the machines and this guy comes up to me and says "hey that is a great idea (pointing at the water)." I said, "yeah, it lasts my whole workout." Then he says, "how did you get the ice in there?" I just kind of looked at him.

THEY WALK AMONG US!   

I was boating down in the Keys once and I happened to come upon a school of stingrays in the shallow water.  I took some of the cut bait I had left, got in the water with my mask/snorkel, and started to feed them.  This one little baby ray swam up to me, sucked up the piece of fish I had in my hand like a vaccum cleaner, then sat staring at me for a few seconds.  It's like he was saying "Hey buddy, you got anymore?"  Just a moment connecting with nature if you ask me.

I was diving in the Keys and was about 60 down. It was a bright sunny day and visibility was excellent. I am trying to get some fish for my aquarium around the reef and all the sudden it goes total black...NO LIGHT!

Man I freak out...I am used to clouds, but that is gradual. This was like someone flipped a light switch. I immediately look up and not 5 feet above me is this huge Manta Ray with a wing span of 10-12 feet. The sucker blocked the sun! He never saw me...... or didn't care.

Scared the crap out of me! 

My GF and a buddy of mine's wife would often go "window shopping" together.  An activity me and my buddy find pointless.  If you need something you go to the store and buy it.  If you don't need anything, why go shopping?  Browsing for stuff, is a waste of time.

Well, with winter coming.  He decided he should finally get around to fixing a broken storm window.

We told them we were going "window shopping"  (not explaining what we meant)  and asked them if they wanted to come along.  Out of increadable curiosity they came along.

We went to Lowes.  Bought a window. And was back in the car in less than 5 mins. 

On the way home my GF told me she would be very nervous if I ever offered to take her to a flea market.   

You weren't driving down Tropical Trail, were you?

That's funny!

Here is one a little off topic because it isn't funny, just very odd. What a way to go!!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/10/09/3040873/man-dies-after-winning-roach-eating.html

Not sure if this is funny, odd or oddly funny, but here goes.

This morning the wife took our dogs to the desert to get their morning run. On the way out, she stopped and picked up our 2 daily newspapers (we have a long driveway, I even truck the trash to the curb). She parked in a common area and threw the papers in the bed of her truck and went for the walk.

When she got back one of the newspapers were gone with a dollar attached to the other paper. Last week a paper came up missing in the same fashion, but no dollar. Someone is going into the bed of her truck and helping themselves to the paper. How odd. She came home mad as a hornet. I thought it was pretty funny. She didn't agree.

I said, at least they felt guilty enough to leave a buck this time. lol

True story, happened a few weeks ago:

My wife is a teacher and I am newly on her insurance plan.  In order to get a reduced rate, I had to do a healthy physical: bloodwork, turn your head and cough, etc.   I haven't done a full physical since I was in high school, for sports.

After all of the testing is done, the doc asks me to drop my pants.  So I do, and I'm just out there in the wind.  He prods around a few times, then says "OK, we're good."

Immediately, he walks out of the room and I overhear him telling a nurse: "It is WAY too cold in there."

it must be freezing everywhere I go, then.

I heard on the Bob & Tom show some dude was passing through security at an airport and they pulled him to the side because of the bulge in his pants. Turns out that he was not trying to smuggle anything and come to find out, he holds the record for the worlds biggest penis. Something like 8"...soft! That would be 14-16" hard  Holy crap! Will try and find the link. 

Not funny really,but more of stupid things we say....

Last night my "wife" was in town,stopped by...She didn't say hi to my dogs as she came in,she ran to the bathroom,so they waited to ambush her in the dining room.She came through the laundry room, they started dancing,barking,getting all excited...She pets them,talks to them for a moment....Then says "Ok, guys...Beep,Beep...Let me through" They get all excited.She might have said it twice....She says "B...Your dogs wont let me through" ...I called them,and said...."Why did you say Beep Beep to them? like they know what that is...Yeah they really fight that traffic to the water bowl every morning." 

My M-I-L lost the key to her portable safe and could not remember where her "spare" key was. She asked me to try and open it. After several attempts to try and pick the lock I gave up and asked her what was in it. She said she could not remember (she is 91).

I told her that since she was not sure if it had important documents or not we needed to get it open, so I took it to a locksmith. Even he had a hard time opening it. After finally getting it open, the only thing tat was in it was........................


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Yep, the spare key.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/jonah-falcon-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html

"I had my 'stuff' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time," said Falcon, whose penis is 9 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. "One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.'"

One day a co-worker comes in the office wearing a glove type support that covered his wrist and thumb (he looked like he was going bowling). Conversation went like this:

Me: What happened to you?

Don: Can't tell ya, it is embarrassing.

Me: (thinking, I gotta know now!) Oh, you can tell me. lol

He wouldn't crack so I let it go. A couple of days later I pressured him again. Everyone in the office was dying to know!

Me: Come on Don, tell me what happened.

Don: Promise not to tell.

Me: Yeah, WHATEVER. LOL

Don: I sprained my wrist......while I was wiping my butt after a bowel movement.

ME: OMG!!! I would have never told anyone that!! LMAO!!!  I did keep my word thoug and never told a soul.

My sister in law was coming from N.Y. to FL. to visit for her first visit. I had never met her or her 2 boys, ages 18 and 21.

Before her arrival the wife started bragging on her nephews on how smart they were. Jimmy, the oldest has an IQ of over 160 she claimed. Paul, the younger one over 150. Pretty impressive I said.

Well, they arrived and both kids looked like a disholved Einstien (is that possible?). The next morning the "gang" decided to go grocery shopping. That night during dinner, I went to the fridge looking for milk. I asked the wife if they had bought milk at the store...I can't find it. Jimmy, the "uh brightest of the 2 spoke right up. Yeah, uncle Joe, I put it in the pantry (not refrigerated). The temp was in the 90's. We threw it out.

that is, until you posted it on the internet for the world to see ;)

That was a long time ago. All the world knows is it was some guy named Don. lol