Allowance and Kids. The New Parents Debate

[BoSoxGrl]

Fau and I are expecting a little boy in a couple of weeks and we had a good discussion today with opposing views.  Allowance. 

Both of us came from non-allowance homes and both of us feel pretty strongly about the subject.

Me:  I don't think I should be paying a kid to do the chores and contributing to the family.  That's like giving a man a cookie for paying child support.  Why would I pay you for doing things that you SHOULD be doing in the first place?  I would rather him do some sort of community service for any "extras" that he wants during months not close to a birthday or a major holiday.  Rake the lawn of the elderly neighbor, go pick up trash on the beach, things like that.  Lesson:  Nothing comes free, you have to work to get what you want.

Fau:  He should have an allowance for everyday chores to teach him budgeting.  If you have him do community service, that defeats the purpose of charity because he is getting something out of the deal.

Thoughts?  Where do you stand with your kids?  Do you have a compromise?

[Brian Fein]

I think no allowance for doing chores, but you instead give the kid maybe a few bucks a month to teach fiscal responsibility, and budgeting when in toy stores.  "MOMM!! I WANT A TRANSFORMER!!!" - can be followed by "how much money do you have left?"  Also teaches the kid the value of money and mitigates the amount of screaming in toy stores.  You can buy whatever you want if you save your pennies.

That's an important lesson to be taught.  However, I also agree with the "don't pay for what you're supposed to do anyway" idea.  So, Not sure how to fund the kid's wallet, but maybe you keep the money in an envelope and unleash it only on certain occasions.  Money given for birthdays and stuff could also be used to fund this lesson as well.  I think that an allowance should not be expected as a regular payment, and maybe only dispatched for going "above and beyond."

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

I agree with Brian. 

The purpose of an allowance should not be to pay the kid to do household chores but to teach him about money.  Instead of you needing to approve of each purchase of candy or small toy the child has his own funds and must make his own choices. 

I highly recomend the book "The First National Bank of Dad" by David Owen.  (It was either read that or some womens magazines when I was in the waiting room one day, if you were wondering why I read this even though I don't have any kids.)   I think his approach is brilliant. 

[JVides]

I'm for the allowance.  My daughter is responsible for cleaning her room, making her bed, etc...and receives a meager allowance for doing it.  Not only does it teach her to budget and save (no luck there yet), but it does show her that compensation follows work performed.  Her job right now is to maintain her little corner of the house.  Soon, her job will include getting good grades in school.  Solid performance will result in financial gain.  It makes sense to me (then again, I am an accountant...)

[Buddhagirl]

I'm for allowances. I got one as a kid that was not tied to chores. It was just my weekly allotted cash. (It was somethng small $1 or something that grew as I got older.) The main point was it taught me how much stuff cost. I would want something. My dad would ask me how much money I had. Then, I had to save up for it or decide it wasn't worth my cash.

Then on top of that there were extra things I could earn cash for. Straight A's, special out of the ordinary chores (like helping my dad with the gutters or assisting with tree trimming) earned more $$$.

The minute I screwed up, my allowance was taken away for a period of time. That hurt me more than almost anything else. I also loved to sit and count my money. (I was an odd little girl.)

The result: It turned me into a saver that totally understands the value of a dollar.

[Dave Gray]

I lean towards no allowance.  But that's probably because that's how I was brought up.

I think the big thing is to know your kids.  You can't set a rule and stick with it.  You don't know how your son is going to be.  I think you will get a read on what kind of person he is and adjust to a rigid/loose system.

I will use the example of a curfew, since it's easier to make my point.  I never had a curfew.  I never needed one.  I was a good kid.  I kept out of trouble on my own and made good decisions.  My parents had no reason to hold me to an arbitrary time.  On the few occassions where my parents were concerned that I was out too late, they brought it to my attention and I adjusted.

But I had friends that needed that strict schedule, or else they'd be out every night doing stupid shit.

It really depends on who you are and good parents don't just make rules -- they get a read on their kids and make appropriate rules only when necessary.

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

teach her to budget and save (no luch there yet

The book I read had a smart approacth to this.  He points out that kids have absolutely no incentive to save.  Put $20 dollars in normal savings account at 2% a year and in a year you will have $20.40, that extra 40 cents won't even buy a candy bar.  Instead YOU be the bank and give your kids an interest rate that will actually encourage savings -- Like 3-5% monthly.  So now saving that $20 they got from Grandmom for their birthday makes it $21 in a month.  Kids can appreacate that and begin to get in the habit of the saving.  

[Spider-Dan]

I think that when kids get old enough to be assigned regular chores, they are old enough to receive an allowance.  I think it's a good idea to tie privileges to responsibilities, and as stated, it can help kids learn to budget.

[Pappy13]

Yeah, I think you're looking at the allowance the wrong way. You give them a weekly or monthly allowance or whatever works best so that if they DON'T do their chores you can take it away. They learn both the value of a dollar and the value in doing their chores in that way.

The only thing to be mindful of is that you should not tell them how to spend their allowance. Let them spend it on what they want even if you don't think it's right. If you tell them what to spend it on then you might as well keep it in your wallet. The whole idea is to get them to learn how to budget etc. Sometimes you gotta let your kids make mistakes for them to learn from it.

[MyGodWearsAHoodie]

I will use the example of a curfew, since it's easier to make my point.  I never had a curfew.  I never needed one.  I was a good kid.  I kept out of trouble on my own and made good decisions.  My parents had no reason to hold me to an arbitrary time.  On the few occassions where my parents were concerned that I was out too late, they brought it to my attention and I adjusted.

I didn't have a curfew either.  What I realized pretty quickly is my parents did really care when I came home as long as they knew I was safe.  So if my parents thought I was going to be home at 10 and I called them at 9:55 and told them I was running late and wouldn't home until 11 it was never a problem at all.  But if I strolled in at 10:10 without a phone call, by then my parrents would already be calling my friend's parents, etc trying to determine if I was alive and safe and be nervous wrecks when I stolled in.   So I learned early on just to call home every once and while and tell them where I was and who I was with and when I expected to be home.  My sisters -- even though I explained this to them, never caught on and were constantly getting in trouble for coming home late.  

[fyo]

Slight OT: nagging = no. Never waiver on that as a parent. Even if you were going to say yes to something, nagging should ALWAYS result in a no.

Wrt allowance, I'm in the 'depends on your kid' group.

In the end, though, I'm not sure allowance matters that much... I never had an allowance as a kid, but always appreciated what things cost. The same with my brother. On the other hand both my sisters had an allowance and absolutely no concept of money (not quite true anymore, but then even the youngest is pushing 30).

I have two kids, but they're still young enough that we haven't really had to decide either way. We do, however, try to teach them about money and what stuff costs whenever they go shopping with us or ask about specific toys or whatever.

[dolphins4life]

I never had an allowance. 

My parents taught me budgeting when I got my first real job at the golf course.  They told me to save money, and not spend extravagantly.  I followed their advice and continue to do so.  Not drinking has helped with that greatly.