Dear Santa...and Jed Hoyer.

[MaineDolFan]

Dear Santa Jed,

I believe that I have been a good boy this year.  I only have one wish this Christmas season.  Please trade me Adrian Gonzalez.  I will even personally walk to San Diego in Crocs and carry him back to Boston "piggy back" style. 

In return you may have the following:
Clay Buchholz
Jacoby Ellsbury
Ryan Westmoreland
Michael Bowden

If you don't allow this trade to happen I very well may flip out.  My team's offense consists of Marco Whoteroh, Mike Cameron and Jeremy Hermitcrab as my potential 7, 8 and 9 hitters. 

Christ, the more I read those names I'll even throw in another prospect of your choosing, other than Lars Anderson or Casey Kelly. 

Yours very truly,
Panic in Boston

[Sunstroke]

LOL...and a complete ROFL here. Mercy!

You know, my northerly friend, how I feel about Adrian Gonzalez. I loved him before we got him and have never wavered in my very healthy man-love for the Padres only true power source. That said, your offer is relatively droolworthy. Instead of adding another prospect to the Buchholz-Ellsbury-Westmoreland-Bowden package though, take Bowden off and add Lars, and I think we can come to terms in short order.

Sincerely,
Santa's not-so-little helper

[MaineDolFan]

Dear Santa,

If we are adding Lars Anderson to the deal I would like to respectfully request that Westmoreland is taken off.  I believe that sending two MLB ready players (Buchholz and Ellsbury) along with Lars "I am going to hit one million home runs some day" Anderson would be a great package.  I will still include Bowden, who has shown promise in his MLB starts (and appearances out of the bullpen).

To compensate, please feel free to rummage through our lower A system for another positional player of your choosing.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Still flipping out in Boston because I just replaced Jason Bay with a guy that used to be teammates with Ty Cobb.

[Sunstroke]

Dear Large Market Bigwig,

We are not overly concerned with a renegotiation...you can afford the price we named. Adrian Gonzo, in the cozy confines of Fenway, is a 45-50 HR .300 hitting beast waiting to put jewelry on your fingers and join the Sox immortals. You want to haggle over a prospect who may someday, one day, hit a bunch of home runs?

You just don't want Adrian badly enough, methinks...

Sincerely,

Tired of the rich complaining about the price of beer

[MaineDolFan]

Dear Fat Ass, errrr, Santa,

Fine.  Lars in in.

Please place AG in a box and ship him via UPS to the following address:

Fenway Park
Boston, MA

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,
A guy was a giant hole where his ass used to be.

[Sunstroke]

Sure wish Jed would hire me to negotiate his deals...