What makes a good father?

[Defense54]

I have decided to never have a kid. But, I think a great dad would be a lot like my father. Someone who's not scared at the thought of punishing or disciplining a child, but at the same time will always be there for the kid to hang on to when he (the kid) needs him (the father).

I know others who have made that same decision and I totally respect that. They like to travel and have fancy Toys and are honest enough to just say they don't want children and the responsibility that comes with it. Totally cool with that.

However I do think the same people are going to regret that decision later in life when they are older and ready to leave this world. But that's just me. Nothing males my parents happier then my 2 sons.  Nothing at all.

[MaineDolFan]

I have decided to never have a kid.

Says the young (and single) law student.

Come back and see me when you're 32 and see if this sentiment has changed.  Funny how life (and a woman) can sway men who "never want to have children."



For reference, watch the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail."

"Every man wakes up one day with the wife and kids.  Where did they come from?  They weren't there last time I checked."

[Sunstroke]

Come back and see me when you're 32 and see if this sentiment has changed.  Funny how life (and a woman) can sway men who "never want to have children."

As unfathomable as it may seem to the father of an adorable young child (and supreme commander of the upcoming apocalypse), there really are some of us who have grown to full maturity (easy, bruiser) without ever feeling any overwhelming need to start a family.

[Brians Stalker]

Says the young (and single) law student.

Come back and see me when you're 32 and see if this sentiment has changed.  Funny how life (and a woman) can sway men who "never want to have children."

Or, it may not.  I have been happily married for 7 years, am at complete maturity, and have no desire at all to have children.  As crazy as it seems to people who can't imagine life without their children, not everyone wants that. 

Defense - you said that you think some people will regret not having children when it is time to die. Why do you think they will regret it?

[BoSoxGrl]

I tell Fau all the time that he will be a good dad...in the Red Foreman kind of way.  I think a good dad remembers what it was like to be a kid but isn't scared for the 5 across the eyes tactics if need be.  However, he has made it abundantly clear that if we have girls, they will be locked up until they're 30 or he's dead.

[Sunstroke]

Defense - you said that you think some people will regret not having children when it is time to die. Why do you think they will regret it?

I'll let defense answer on his own, but since you and I are in the "no kids necessary" group together, I wanted to chime in on this.  Despite the fact that I don't want to have children, and am actively planning on not having any, I do expect to feel some regrets about the decision when I get closer to dying. I expect to have regrets about a lot of things that I've done and decisions that I've made. I think a little bit of 4th quarter hindsight regret is natural, and means that you lived with your eyes open and you learned along the way.

[run_to_win]

As unfathomable as it may seem to the father of an adorable young child (and supreme commander of the upcoming apocalypse), there really are some of us who have grown to full maturity (easy, bruiser) without ever feeling any overwhelming need to start a family.

Something about "some of us" and "full maturity" doesn't sit right.   

[CF DolFan]

I have decided to never have a kid. But, I think a great dad would be a lot like my father. Someone who's not scared at the thought of punishing or disciplining a child, but at the same time will always be there for the kid to hang on to when he (the kid) needs him (the father).

Disciplining a child is much more difficult for the parent than the child. It means they have to get off of the couch or stop doing whatever it is that they were doing and get involved.  Every since I learned that I feel guilty if I don't follow through on it ... within reason obviously. 

[YoFuggedaboutit]

However, he has made it abundantly clear that if we have girls, they will be locked up until they're 30 or he's dead.

My aunts were that way with my girl cousins.  They either left the house in a wedding dress or on a morgue slab.

[MaineDolFan]

I think I may be misunderstood here.  What I am saying is this:

I said the exact same thing when I was a 20-something and working on my Master's and living with roommates.

Life changes in ways that we don't expect sometime. 

I would be interested to see if his stance stays the same.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't.  Of my group of college friends I had a couple that were "I will never have kids" folk.  A couple of them don't.  A couple do.  One guy, Lance, was the king of the "no way, man.  Not me!"  He and his wife just had their fourth child.

[Buddhagirl]

I have no intention of having children. I'm 32. I hate when people make it sound like kids accidentally happen and everyone wants one.

[MaineDolFan]

...and who is saying that, Buddha?

[Sunstroke]

Something about "some of us" and "full maturity" doesn't sit right.   

Unless your goal is head-scrathing en masse, witty zingers that are based on personal neuroses should be fully explained, don'tcha think?

[Buddhagirl]

...and who is saying that, Buddha?

The quote that you put in makes children sound like they accidentally happen:

"Every man wakes up one day with the wife and kids.  Where did they come from?  They weren't there last time I checked."

And, the fact that just meeting a woman, etc means one will lean towards kids. A little absurd, no?

However, you did clarify that you didn't mean for it to come across that way. I had posted at the same time you were.

[StL FinFan]

I know plenty of people (and married couples) who are great with kids and love kids, but don't want their own.  I don't see anything wrong with it.