What makes a good father?

[StL FinFan]

^ Good point, Philly.  It seems as though a lot of parents want to be their kids friend and forget that being the parent means that sometimes, you are not your kid's favorite person.

I don't have anything more to add, really.  Good dads spend time with their kids and correct them when needed.

[fyo]

Nope, not pointing fingers, but I was actually interested in finding out what makes a good father (since everyone seems to think I would) and I have yet to get my information from this thread.

Patience and discipline.

And patience.

I only have one child and he's not quite 3 yet, so obviously that limits my "wisdom".... but, seriously, when I hear people bring up the standard "poop and vomit" thing as issue with kids... well, then they're just not parents. If I had to make a list of the top 10 annoying/tough things, neither one would have a shot at cracking the list.

I should add a fourth point, in addition to patience, discipline and patience: Willingness to sacrifice. Raising kids takes time. Serious time. Even if in a relationship, most people still have plenty of free time. Let's say 9 hours of work, 2 hours commute, and 9 hours eat-n-sleep on a weekday. That still leaves 4 hours for procrastinating, spending time with your significant other, playing games, sports or just generally hanging out. And that's the weekdays. Don't even get me started on weekends.

With kids, there just isn't time for all the "hanging out with friends" stuff, the slouching in front of the TV, the games... plus you'll be so exhausted that even when you DO have the time, you just don't have the energy.

Raising even a single child really is a full-time job. Even if you split it between you, that's still some serious time taken out of your day.

Don't get me wrong: I love my son. He's great. I love spending time with him (even though he can be incredibly exhausting) and there's no better feeling in the world that fatherly pride and love. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

But it's no picnic...

[Defense54]

Nope, not pointing fingers, but I was actually interested in finding out what makes a good father (since everyone seems to think I would) and I have yet to get my information from this thread.

Your not gonna find it in a thread.  I'm guessing people see you as patient and kind. Those are great traits for people to see in you. But only YOU know if you are going to make a good father.  I've seen Homosexual couples who people were horrified to see put in charge of an infant make some of the best parents you have ever seen. Only YOU know if you want to be a dad and what kind of a dad you can and will be. Best thing you can take from this thread is that its very rewarding experience if you choose to take that path and try to get the most of it. 

[AprFools_Phins]

Self-lessness < if that's a word- but you know what mean. There are plenty of parents out there that do not want to bother too much with their kids- and still want to focus on themselves.

My parents are the very best parents anyone could ask for- I am closer to my parents than just about anyone else is with their parents. I know my parents will do anything for me. My parents have always put me 10 levels above themselves, and a lot of the time I wish they would actually do more for themselves. I moved in August to the NC- I was devastated to leave my parents- but I hated Ohio and didn't want to rot there for my whole life. And now my parents have put their house up for sale so they can move down here too and I can move back in with them (which I can't wait to do).

And a father who can show his kids that he loves them. I had a friend whose dad absolutley never hugged her or told her he loved her or anything- he was just there. My parents have always told me how much I mean to them. I don't know if anyone has heard the song Cleanin this Gun" by Rodney Atkins- but my mom told me when I talked to her 2 nights ago she told me that was how they feel about me. The line she was talking about goes:
So you like my daughter do you now- yea we think she's somethin else..
She's her daddy's girl, her mama's world....

*every parent should say things like that to their kids

[YoFuggedaboutit]

^ Good point, Philly.  It seems as though a lot of parents want to be their kids friend and forget that being the parent means that sometimes, you are not your kid's favorite person.

I don't have anything more to add, really.  Good dads spend time with their kids and correct them when needed.

I'll add something to this.  When dealing with smaller children, it's not good to pull the good cop/bad cop routine.

Case in point, when my son was 2, I wouldn't let him have gum because he would constantly take it out of his mouth and play with it (one time he put it up his nose). 

One day, my brother was hanging out with the two of us, and we were out in the Coconut Grove shopping district.  I stopped into a store to look at something.  My brother took him around the corner to a Quickie Mart and bought him gum.   

My brother didn't know that my son was not allowed to have gum, so I told him, "If he starts taking it out of his mouth, you're gonna be the one who takes it away from him.  I can't have him go running to his uncle when he doesn't get his way with his dad."

[MaineDolFan]

I believe that a good father is someone who:

Loves their child unconditionally.  Is utterly and completely selfless in knowing that the life they are raising is priority one.  A man that is willing to do whatever it takes to do the right thing by that child.  What is the right thing?  That is determined by your own life.  A man's life doesn't end with a child but it's altered to a great degree. 

There is no right and wrong way to be a father.  A good father wants to deliver all the tools to help the child succeed in life.  A good father bends over backwards to keep their child healthy and out of dangerous situations.  A good father doesn't always put the child's needs first because that creates an unbalanced life.  If the father is unbalanced they themselves don't have the tools to teach balance to the child.  The father has life needs as well.

What makes a good father?  Someone that simply has the best interest of their child at heart and does their very best to put those interests in motion.  Everything else is a line between subjective and objective.

[Dave Gray]

I think I'm going to be a ball busting type of Dad.

It irritates me when I see parents bargaining with their kids.  Like when the parent wants to leave, and the kid doesn't, and there's some kind of weird negotiation going on, where the parent is pleading and giving logical reasons as to why it's a good time to leave.  I ask once, then I pull out a chunk of hair.

It's easy to say that now, that I don't have kids, though.

This might be a terrible example, but I'm pretty strict when it comes to my dog.  I'm very consistent with what I expect and obedience is not really negotiable.  I say a command once and the 2nd time, It's strict and forceful.  There usually isn't a second time anymore.  Of course kids aren't dogs, but I see other dog owners who can't handle their animals and they are led around by their own pets.  I also see the same thing in parents.

[Denver_Bronco]

I think I'm going to be a ball busting type of Dad.
 I ask once, then I pull out a chunk of hair.

It's easy to say that now, that I don't have kids, though.

You could try that, but I don't think that will go over too big once someone turns you in for child abuse or something.

This is why parents are forced to bargain because its not like it was when we were growing up. The kids have more power then the adults now, thanks to the system.

[CF DolFan]

I think I'm going to be a ball busting type of Dad.

It irritates me when I see parents bargaining with their kids.  Like when the parent wants to leave, and the kid doesn't, and there's some kind of weird negotiation going on, where the parent is pleading and giving logical reasons as to why it's a good time to leave.  I ask once, then I pull out a chunk of hair.

It's easy to say that now, that I don't have kids, though.

This might be a terrible example, but I'm pretty strict when it comes to my dog.  I'm very consistent with what I expect and obedience is not really negotiable.  I say a command once and the 2nd time, It's strict and forceful.  There usually isn't a second time anymore.  Of course kids aren't dogs, but I see other dog owners who can't handle their animals and they are led around by their own pets.  I also see the same thing in parents.

We learned a phrase a long time ago.  Delayed obedience is disobedience. Kids can very easily learn to obey the first time.  It's the parents that have a harder time being trained.

And no ... my kids don't always listen the firs time! 

[SCFinFan]

Discipline was a big part of my upbringing, and I have grown to appreciate what it did for me. One caveat though: it wasn't blind discipline. I knew my parents loved me. They made sure that I knew that before they started ordering me around.

[StL FinFan]

Those bargaining parents are the ones who end up on Supernanny wondering why their kids walk all over them.  You don't have to use a physical punishment, but if you threaten a punishment, you have to carry it out or your kids will have zero respect for you.  Time outs and loss of tv or computer privileges work just fine for my kids.  If they don't listen to me the first time (which is 90% of the time) they do when I threaten punishment.

[BoSoxGrl]

A good dad is someone who would take a bullet for their kid.  And who will smack that kid in the ass if they are disrespectful.  And will listen to problems and show up to their events...even if it's ballet.  I didn't realize until recently that mt dad pretty much kicks ass.

Oh and before there is an all out war about smacking kids on the ass, I would like to point out for the record that there is a fine line between discipline and abuse and I am sorry, but every now and then a kid needs a slap on the bottom to learn what's what.

[StL FinFan]

I have never spanked my kids and I never will.   If other parents use that type of punishment, that is their business and I am not going to tell them how to raise their kids. 

I take great exception to the notion that "every now and then a kid needs a slap on the bottom to learn what's what."  If anyone spanked my kids, they would have a huge problem with me.  Kids don't need to be spanked to learn a lesson. 

Modified to add:  Before I had kids, I thought spanking was a good idea, too, because I was spanked once or twice in my time.  Things change. 

[Sunstroke]

When my father told us to do something when we were kids, we did it "right then," or we felt his smack across our backside. Just trying to imagine my father negotiating with one of us to get us to do something has me laughing hysterically here.

[MaineDolFan]

If anyone spanked my kids, they would have a huge problem with me.  Kids don't need to be spanked to learn a lesson. 

'A huge problem?'  That doesn't even begin to explain it.  At my day care there are a good sort of people.  There are parents that show up with the music blaring in their smoke filled car with the poor kid in the back seat.  All walks of life.  One of these parents had the misfortune of taking something away from my daughter to give it to his kid.  Abby was minding her own buisness and had a ball that she loves in her hands.  Dude's kid was crying so he reached down and snatched the toy out of my her hands and gave it to his son.

The day care's owner and I saw him do it.  I let the owner say what he needed to say and then I dragged the guy into the hall way and let him know, almost word for word - he touches my daughter again and I'll put him through a wall.  In his best John Bender he asked "you threatenin' me?"

My reply was "yes I am."

If I ever witnessed someone STRIKING my child?  I'd snap the person's neck without thought.  NO ONE -- and I mean NOT ONE PERSON ON THIS PLANET strikes my daughter without earning my wrath.  I'm a very balanced and calm person.  It takes a lot to light my fire.  Once lit, it doesn't go out.

/end hijack/