What makes a good father?

[run_to_win]

I think I'm going to be a ball busting type of Dad.

It irritates me when I see parents bargaining with their kids.  Like when the parent wants to leave, and the kid doesn't, and there's some kind of weird negotiation going on, where the parent is pleading and giving logical reasons as to why it's a good time to leave.  I ask once, then I pull out a chunk of hair.

It's easy to say that now, that I don't have kids, though.

This might be a terrible example, but I'm pretty strict when it comes to my dog.  I'm very consistent with what I expect and obedience is not really negotiable.  I say a command once and the 2nd time, It's strict and forceful.  There usually isn't a second time anymore.  Of course kids aren't dogs, but I see other dog owners who can't handle their animals and they are led around by their own pets.  I also see the same thing in parents.

You'll be fine.  Your kids will likely be very successful.

[run_to_win]

I have never spanked my kids and I never will.   If other parents use that type of punishment, that is their business and I am not going to tell them how to raise their kids.

Once again you prove to be the exception to the rule.   

My sister-in-law is a non-spanker but more than happy to tell everyone how to raise their kids..  Her two daughters have total control of the household.  Even the simplest requests turn into long and drawn-out negotiations.  It's funny, sad and pathetic - all at the same time.

[StL FinFan]

^ That is where we differ from a lot of parents.  We have a do what we say or you will be punished mentality.  Our punishments just don't include spanking.  My kids know that they are not the bosses.  They are good kids. 

[MaineDolFan]

This might be a terrible example, but I'm pretty strict when it comes to my dog.  I'm very consistent with what I expect and obedience is not really negotiable.  I say a command once and the 2nd time, It's strict and forceful.  There usually isn't a second time anymore.  Of course kids aren't dogs, but I see other dog owners who can't handle their animals and they are led around by their own pets.  I also see the same thing in parents.

I don't disagree with this.  Kids and dogs aren't that far apart.  What does the dog whisper say the secret is, in order?  Something like discipline, exercise, love...

A child needs discipline, plain and simple.  Now the key is that it's a tightrope.  They need to give you respect but it's vital that they are given respect as well.  They are people, too.  Just shorter and younger.

My father was born in 1922 and raised through the depression.  I was raised by the belt.  Did something wrong, I'd get the belt.  The worst part about the belt?  It made my old man cry to do it.  It hurt like hell physically, yes.  But as I grew a little I started to realize how much he hated having to do it and how much it hurt him.

So, yes - I was in fear of pain.  But I respected the man as well.  I also think it helps that I was enrolled in Karate at a very early age.

[BoSoxGrl]

I wasn't suggesting spanking anyone but my own kids.
I think if someone were to discipline my child without me they'd be dead.  End of story.

[Dave Gray]

I also think that understand your own kids is important.  I was spanked a few times growing up, but it was never the pain that was the deterrent, I don't think.  There's something else about that act.  All kids are different, and you have to know what motivates them, I suppose.

[BoSoxGrl]

I agree.  I would have rather been spanked then be told "I'm very disappointed with you"  And being spanked didn't hurt so much physically, but knowing that I had upset my parents was really the awful part of it all.

[CF DolFan]

Those bargaining parents are the ones who end up on Supernanny wondering why their kids walk all over them.  You don't have to use a physical punishment, but if you threaten a punishment, you have to carry it out or your kids will have zero respect for you.  Time outs and loss of tv or computer privileges work just fine for my kids.  If they don't listen to me the first time (which is 90% of the time) they do when I threaten punishment.

I by no means am picking on you but this was the example given to me so I hope you don't mine that I quote it. 

If your kids will listen when you count to three or after you have threatened them, then why shouldn't they listen the first time? It's because you have not set that boundary.  They know that you do not mean what you say until they hear that tone or phrase that has become the standard.  Hence, they are free to go up to that point and will even get confused if they were to be disciplined the first time as they would not think they had done anything wrong. 

[StL FinFan]

I don't count to three.  You have totally misinterpreted what I wrote.  Not every kid jumps up and does something the second an adult says to do it.  If they are misbehaving they get a warning - stop or this will be your consequence.  If they choose not to stop, the consequence happens.  There is no counting to three or second warnings or bargaining.  Clear nuff?

[CF DolFan]

I don't count to three.  You have totally misinterpreted what I wrote.  Not every kid jumps up and does something the second an adult says to do it.  If they are misbehaving they get a warning - stop or this will be your consequence.  If they choose not to stop, the consequence happens.  There is no counting to three or second warnings or bargaining.  Clear nuff?

I didn't insinuate you counted to three. I was just saying it is simialr to warning them before you actually made them stop there really is no difference. ... and I wasn't even meaning you. I was speaking in generalities.

[Dave Gray]

All CF is saying is that there is a boundary.  It's just a matter of where you set it.

If you offer a warning first, then your child will use that.  Only when they know the consequence is coming will they obey.
So, if you normally count to three, for example, kids will know that they can behave poorly until "three" without consequence.

Nobody is knocking your method of raising your kids.

[StL FinFan]

Ok, I see what you mean.  Counting to 3 is different than saying, if you do x then y will happen.  What happens after 3?

[Dave Gray]

"What happens before 3?" is a better question.  "Nothing" is usually the answer.

[StL FinFan]

Mr. StL has made the kids scatter by saying "one".   

[run_to_win]

I don't count to three.  You have totally misinterpreted what I wrote.  Not every kid jumps up and does something the second an adult says to do it.  If they are misbehaving they get a warning - stop or this will be your consequence.  If they choose not to stop, the consequence happens.  There is no counting to three or second warnings or bargaining.  Clear nuff?

Much more clear to me now.