Weddings: Pain in the Ass

[Dave Gray]

So, we started planning a wedding.  What a pain in the ass.  There's so much to consider, and you have to try to balance being classy with not going broke.  It's nuts.

To any of the other engaged/married parties around here -- what kind of crap did you run across, and how did you deal with it?

[landlocked]

Dave,it can be as expensive or casual as you want it to be.Or should I say as she wants it to be?I know,as men we would "drive through" and get married,something to eat,and a beer all at once.I know that you are not religious,is she?My first wife and I couldn't get our familes to agree on where(which church) so we went to the courthouse one Thursday and just did it.Afterwards we got some Pizza Hut,and went to our bowling league before heading home(romantic devil,aren't I?)After being upset for about an hour,all of our relatives then showered us with good wishes(they get over it pretty fast---probably because attending a wedding is just as much,if not more of a pain in the ass)My present wife and I asked a local pastor if he would marry us with only ourselves and our children present.He agreed and the entire church showed up and gave us a very nice wedding.At very little cost.
 Point is this,just make her happy.And if it becomes this monster of having to coordinate every long lost relative's schedule to attend....screw it and just go to the freaking courthouse.After all it is about you two.The money you will save this way can be spent on a nice relaxing honeymoon.My best advice is find a preacher/legal rep to do it,go down to the beach with a couple close friends/family members and just get it over with.Welcome to the ball and chain club,pal.

[YoFuggedaboutit]

Weddings can be crazy.  My advice would be to set a budget and stay in it.  Then shop around for the best deal. 

Ms. Tommy and I managed to stay in budget by tweaking a few things here and there, and entrusting certain jobs to close friends. 

Frimp will be our photographer!!!

[Philly Fin Fan]

We got married in St. Thomas. Me and the Mrs. No other family members. Stress free. When we got home we had a party.

[Denver_Bronco]

We got married in St. Thomas. Me and the Mrs. No other family members. Stress free. When we got home we had a party.

Thats the way to go !!!!!!!!! 

[Househead]

We got married in St. Thomas. Me and the Mrs. No other family members. Stress free. When we got home we had a party.

Could not agree more. Just me and her getting married on some romantic get-a-way is the way to go.  The wedding is for us, not for the guests.  And all the money I save would go into a house.....now I just have to convince the future Mrs. Househead (whoever she may be) to this....

[Buddhagirl]

Could not agree more. Just me and her getting married on some romantic get-a-way is the way to go.  The wedding is for us, not for the guests.  And all the money I save would go into a house.....now I just have to convince the future Mrs. Househead (whoever she may be) to this....

Agreed.

[MaineDolFan]

Budget, attention to detail and time.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Set a budget, pay close attention to detail and ask annoying questions (and get everything in writing) and give yourself plenty of time.

There are things that will start coming up, expense wise, that no one will both mentioning to you.  Get into the nitty gritty while setting up cost per plate, room fees, bar fees, if bartenders cost extra, what have you.

[BoSoxGrl]

Well, The budget is hands down the most important thing...and as anyone will tell you more people =more $$.  Fau and I had to cut a lot of our guest list to make it work.  We started my listing everyone we wanted to come and then literally had to cut it in half to stay within our budget.  Cousins I wouldn't recognize were cut over friends I see on a regular basis.

Another big area is deciding on what is important and what you are willing to compromise on.  For me, having a lot of unique flowers was a must so we inflated our budget there and we decided to not have a professional videographer to make up the difference.  I am also making my own favors and I got a great deal on my gown.

Also, when you decide on a venue, look to see what is included.  For example, our contract included our cake which otherwise would have run us about $700. 

I will pass on the best advice I have received through this process to you now:  At the wedding if something is screwed up, the only person that is going to know is you...so relax and have fun!!

[Brians Stalker]

Kate, that is the absolute best advice ever as far as I am concerned.  We had a few slip ups at our wedding, but since I didn't splurge all of the details, no one knew, and I didn't care.

Something I would check on is having the cake made by a private party rather than a caterer.  Usually they do a better job and are MUCH cheaper.  You can check with technical or culinary schools in your area to see if someone who is in school will make them. 

Do the favors and stuff like that yourself.  Watch for the craft stores, they usually have 40-50% off coupons every couple of weeks and you can buy stuff that way.   

You can also watch for centerpiece stuff that other brides sell.  Mirrors and stuff like that are expensive, but they find they don't have much use for them once they are married and usually sell that stuff cheap.

[StL FinFan]

Cut corners where you can.  We went with inexpensive invitations.  People are going to throw them out so why do you need foil envelopes, etc?  We ordered ours online.  They looked nice but didn't break us.  We also ordered napkins and matchbooks from the same place

We found a reception hall that had their own decorations, so we didn't need to purchase additional flowers for it and the cost was in the same neighborhood as other halls.

Look for deals on limos and flowers also. 

I purchased my dress and the bridesmaids dresses at the same place and they gave us a discount.  Almost all rental places give the groom his tux for free with rental of 3 or 4.

We went for beer, wine and setups instead of a full open bar.  People will drink what you give them.

Do not cut corners on your food, photographer/videographer or entertainment.  If any of those are bad, it will dampen your day.

Prioritize and delegate:  Mr StL wanted to be involved.  I let him take complete control of the honeymoon and limo service.  We picked out the church "extras", reception hall, food, cake, and invitations together.  I took care of the flowers and party favors.  I even went with him to try on tuxes because he wanted my opinion.

We got the big stuff first, church and reception hall, then added in everything else.

We had a great time planning our wedding and it was only moderately stressful.

We have been married 9 years as of yesterday and I have pleasant memories of planning our wedding as well as the actual event.

 

[BoSoxGrl]

Something else I just thought of...
a lot of places will let you do the ceremony/reception in the same place...if neither of you are deeply religious, this may be something to consider and can cut costs greatly.

[Dave Gray]

I am not religious.  Neither is Ms. Dave.

However, that's not to say that it's made any easier because of it.  I am pretty firm on wanting a secular ceremony.  However, my Mom wants us to do a Catholic service.  It ain't happenin'.

I'm willing to make compromises in other areas, and so that's what it's come down to.

Flowers, for example.  BoSoxGrl wants a lot.  I couldn't give a crap about flowers.  Ms. Dave wants some.  ...so it's a balancing act.  I just don't like the idea of spending money on something that's gone the next day, and doesn't really give you an added value.  Sure, they're pretty, but it's not like it makes the party any better because they're flowers.  But again, that's just MY VIEW.  Girls are different, I'm sure.

The things I care about are:
Cool/Unique setting
Open Bar
Good Music

I don't know that I'll get all of those, but that's really what I'd like to go for.

We're already getting rid of a lot of the stuff -- no groomsmen, bridesmaids, father/daughter dances, garter throwing, best man speeches, etc.  I want a quick (QUICK) ceremony, and a party afterwards, with a band and booze.  Whether or not I can make that happen, we'll see.

[bsfins]

I have  a question for Dave, You do exotic Lillies and stuff right? Well why don't you use them,or buy some exotic flowers that you can keep,and use them for the Ceremony....

[Dave Gray]

I have  a question for Dave, You do exotic Lillies and stuff right? Well why don't you use them,or buy some exotic flowers that you can keep,and use them for the Ceremony....

I've thought about it.  I don't want to come across as ghetto, though.  It might be cool to take orchids that me or my dad have grown and use them as centerpieces -- each one different.


There are a lot of other little things that we've talked about doing.  For example, a new thing is naming your tables.  So, instead of calling them "table 1", "table 2", etc, you'd call them "passion", "love", "romance", etc.

Except that's gay.  So, we thought it might be cool to name them after Beatles songs or something that better fit us.  So, "Yesterday", "Imagine", "Across the Universe", etc.