An open letter to the assclowns who run the Florida State Seminoles

[YoFuggedaboutit]

DISCLAIMER:  This is patterned after Maine's letter to the 2007 Miami Dolphins.  I picked it up from him

Dear Assclowns,

YOU SUCK!!!! Seriously, you do a worse job than the kid who runs the drive thru at my local Mickey D's. How else do you explain this season's results??

Bobby Bowden is nothing but a figurehead whose job runs from January to February. And he's still the head coach?? WTF??? At the end of the 2000 season, he had the pick of the best and brightest offensive minds in the country, and he hired his OWN SON!!!! He has broken the State of Florida's Nepotism law and reneged on a promise to step down if the program is in decline. After nine seasons of seeing this crap, it clearly is, but he still hangs on trying to get one last title which we all know will NEVER come!!!

Jimbo Fisher was another one of Bobby's cronies who came in to replace Bobby's son after he stepped down amidst cries from real fans and a big payout from the boosters. This man has had FOUR Parade All American QB's on his roster and done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with them!!!! Every time I see a third and long I cringe as he keeps calling plays that go behind the first down marker!!! He keeps hyping Christian Ponder as a great QB who can make things happen with his arm and his legs. The way I see it, Christian Ponder is the next coming of Chris Rix, or worse.

Rick Trickett is another scumbag who clearly has no place in the college game!!! The offensive line is supposed to be a staple for this team!!! You clearly win games at the point of attack. Guess what?? This offensive line is nothing but turnstyles, allowing tons of sacks for turnovers and not opening holes for the running game. Not to mention this piece of shit loves to dress down his players and backbite with the assistant coaches!!!!

And how else do you explain the defense who can't stop my 100 year old grandmother in a wheelchair?? It seems that they are missing tackles on purpose and not adjusting to the offensive style of play. Hey Mickey Andrews, HELLO? HELLO MCFLY? It aint 1990 anymore!!!! If you can't teach your guys to adjust, it's time you got your walking papers!!!! Same goes for you Chucky Boy, considering you love to fight with the offensive assistants!!!!!

Bottom line is, this team has recruited plenty of talent but has no heart!!! I am SICK AND TIRED of seeing this team lose game after game that used to be gimmes on their schedule. The administration doesn't want to step up and overhaul the ENITRE coaching staff even though it needs to!!! I'm done giving my time and money to this team and I will call on my fellow Florida State fans to do the same thing until a winner is put on the field again!!!!

Sincerely,

Tommy Shand

P.S. Suck my dick for wasting season after season!!! I'm tired of this bad, bloodless football!!! I'm getting old!!! I want to see this team win another National Championship!!! Or at least have the hope for one!!!!

[DZA]

Wow  Fsu  ,  man I feel so bad for them now.  What goin on here.   They should have beat Georgia tech.

[Gabriel]

sad

[YoFuggedaboutit]

[BingeBag]

No researching... is Bobby standing on Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian columns?

[stinkfish]

No researching... is Bobby standing on Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian columns?

Ionic I think. More decorative than Doric, not as ostentatious as Corinthian.

[DZA]

I dont get it.  what the columns represent

[Cathal]

I think it means each year he's been knocked down a peg.

[YoFuggedaboutit]

I dont get it.  what the columns represent

Notice there are only half columns.  It means his empire is in ruins. 

[BingeBag]

Ionic I think. More decorative than Doric, not as ostentatious as Corinthian.

My man. Exactly right.

It means his empire is in ruins. 

Yep.

[BingeBag]

After months of appeals, wrangling over public records laws and the usual backbiting between the university and the NCAA, an appellate court finally gave Florida State the go-ahead Wednesday to release a 695-page transcript of its Oct. 18, 2008 hearing before the NCAA's Committee on Infractions, testimony from which was used to smack multiple sports at FSU in March with probation, minor scholarship restrictions and -- most notably in light of Bobby Bowden's quixotic pursuit of the career wins record -- vacated wins for playing ineligible players later accused of cheating in an online course ("Musical Cultures of the World") in 2006 and 2007. The transcript didn't tell us a whole lot we didn't already know. (Although it is, like, 700 pages long, so a few people are still reading.)

The news is probably more notable for public records scholars -- the NCAA infractions process is a notoriously secretive ordeal, and it fought tooth-and-nail to keep it that way -- than football fans, but the released documents did shed some light on a few specific details of the Florida State's violations, and of the school's subsequent investigation and defense, most of it painting "an unflattering portrait of Florida State’s professors and administrators," according to the New York Times. But certainly not nearly as unflattering as the portrait it painted of some of FSU's players, academically speaking, or the stops pulled out on their behalf by (to use FSU president T.K. Wetherell's term) a "rogue tutor":


Brenda Monk, a learning specialist hired to work with athletes who had learning and physical disabilities, was accused of improperly helping students type, edit and write their papers. Monk, who testified that some of those athletes had a second-grade reading level, was accused of committing academic fraud. In one case, she was said to have let students use a study guide that had answers to exam questions for an online music course.

Monk has left the university and filed a defamation suit against Florida State.

In their defense, second-graders are very advanced these days, what with the Baby Einstein and secret genetic engineering programs Congress slipped into an appropriations bill; some of the contemporary seven-year-old's favorite television shows also captivate the Miami Hurricanes. (And vicious, highly educated commenters, please, consider how the unusually high clusters of "criminal justice" and "recreational administration" majors on your own squad might fare by the same standard before you hit that spittle-flecked 'return' key.)

We can still assume that every Seminole at least knows how to count to 14, which remains the relevant number: As it stands, FSU still has to wipe 14 victories from Bowden's career total, a fate that may actually be looking more and more attractive to him -- if you remove those wins from the 2006-07 seasons, the unfolding disaster in 2009 suddenly looks like an improvement.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/footbal...n=ncaaf,196189

This is looking miserably bad for FSU.

[bsmooth]

Notice there are only half columns.  It means his empire is in ruins. 

Maybe. Or they could represent the columns from the Parthenon and other Greek and Roman institutions that once stood for higher learning and knowledge that have been destroyed by this man and his singular pursuit of personal glory.