How the Miami Dolphins will go 0-16 in 2011!

[jtex316]

A yearly tradition on the Anti-Firms forum section of the TDMMC website is our annual hate-parade against the Dolphins with every match-up on the NFL calendar for that season.

We have had some fun over the years, and I still believe that we nailed it in 2007 (I'll accept 0-15-1, but not 1-15 because Baltimore was on the 1-yard line and kicked a field goal instead of punching it in).

Simply looking at the schedule this year, it's a wonder why the Miami Dolphins will even suit up at all. So, get ready for the #fail, "loser", "angst-ridden" replies, because here's how the Miami Dolphins will go 0-16 in the 2011 NFL campaign:

Week 1: vs. New England
Tom Brady will throw 5 TDs before halftime like he did in 2007. Big blowout on MNF.

Week 2: vs. Houston
Miami has never beaten the Houston Texans. Ever. Won't change here.

Week 3: at Cleveland
Madden '11's cover boy will stomp the Dolphins. Don't discount a Mike Holmgren team!

Week 4: at San Diego
This is going to be a huge blowout. It's hot in SD, too, and this is a 1PM start on the west coast.

Week 5: BYE
The only week during the NFL season which the Dolphins will not register a loss

Week 6: at New York (Jets)
It's going to be the Mark Sanchez show

Week 7: vs. Denver
Never I thought that I would root for Tim Tebow in a million years, yet this will mark the second time in a year where this is the case. WTF?

Week 8: at New York (Giants)
Same stadium as week 6, different team, same result. A big fat loss. (Oh yeah, Let's Go Giants!!!!)

Week 9: at Kansas City
It's going to be windy, it's going to be November, and it can get kinda cold in KC. The Dolphins won't be able to handle it.

Week 10: vs. Washington
John Beck blows out his former team!!! You heard it here first!!!

Week 11: vs. Buffalo
I can't name 3 active Buffalo Bills players. But, they'll win

Week 12: at Dallas
Leon Lett isn't with the Cowboys any longer, and the hole in the stadium isn't there to let snow come through the building. Tony Romo will carve up the Dolphins like a Thanksgiving-day Turkey (oh I know how cliche and lazy that is).

Week 13: vs. Oakland
I vividly remember Daunte Culpepper outrunning the D line for 3 rushing TDs and 5 total TDs on that wet and soggy day a few years back, where the Raiders completely ran all over the Dolphins. Expect more of the same here.

Week 14: vs. Philadelphia
I hate to say this, but Philadelphia is a very good team (fuck the Eagles, BTW). They're going to massacre the Dolphins.

Week 15: at Buffalo
Cold + Snow + Wind + Hail = a Dolphins loss

Week 16: at New England
By week 16, New England will look to put the finishing touches and wrap up home-field advantage as they do every year. This game is nothing more than a formality for the Pats

Week 17: vs. New York (Jets)
Miami will move to 0-5 on the year against teams from the state of New York, while Rex Ryan dances on the Miami Dolphins logo on the 50-yard line after once again eeking by with the final win to give them the #6 wild card spot for the playoffs.

And that's the way it will go!

[Brian Fein]

The jtex formula...

Week XX - vs (insert opponent here)
This game will be the (insert opponent's star player here) show and he will score 37 TD's in the 1st quarter.  I hate the Dolphins.  Blah blah blah.

[Sunstroke]

That was uncanny, Brian...I almost thought Joe Tex had posted twice in a row there.

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

If the Dolphins only win one game this year.....let it be against the Giants!!!!! 

[jtex316]

The jtex formula...

Week XX - vs (insert opponent here)
This game will be the (insert opponent's star player here) show and he will score 37 TD's in the 1st quarter.  I hate the Dolphins.  Blah blah blah.

I literally LOL'ed when I read this. Good work, sir.

[Jim Gray]

I've been looking forward to the 0-16 thread, and JTex has risen to the occasion once again.  Well done. 

[Frimp]

Past years have been funnier. You're slacking, Joe!

[MaineDolFan]

#semifail?