Marriage only lasts because of "For better or worse".
Thank you.
If you aren't prepared to stick through tough times, date. Don't get married. People get married and then run at the slightest hint of a problem. I think a lot of you are forgetting that vows also include other words in those vows as well.
I also think a lot of you are taking liberty with the saying "for better or for worse." A physically abusive relationship is not a relationship that has taken a turn for the worst that needs to be "worked on." The person being abused has no other recourse than to leave. The person doing the abusing has violated their vows.
I rather like the Buddhist wedding vows:
“In the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning.
Difficult times will come as surely as the night.
When things go joyously, meditate according to the Buddhist tradition.
When things go badly, meditate.
Meditation in the manner of the Compassionate Buddha will guide your life.
To say the words ‘love and compassion’ is easy.
But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience
and perseverance is not easy.”
Marriage sure is great when everything is going well. Money is there, both people are happy, bills are paid, mouths are fed, everyone is healthy. However, as the saying goes above, "perseverance is not easy." Marriage is not easy, yet people dive in head first...and then dive right back out as soon as things get hard. Hence the divorce rate in this country.
So yes, I whole heartedly believe and subscribe in "for better or for worse." If my wife cheated on me I would be crushed. I would feel violated, my trust would be broken. Yet my wife is fallible and not without fault, as am I. Cheating is a symptom of a larger problem. I wouldn't bail on my wife because she cheated. That would be a knee jerk reaction. There very well may be larger issues at hand that we can't work out. Or it could have been a moment in time that she wishes with all of her being that she could un-do.
If people bailed on every friend they have as easily as folks do on their spouses, no one would have friends. There has to be an allowance in this world for mistakes, lapses of judgement and differences of opinion. You decided that this person was worthy of "spending the rest of your life with." I didn't realize wedding vows stated "I will hang around as long as everything is fun. Make a mistake and I'm gone."
Back to one of Dave's original statements: Yes, cancer is most certainly 100% reason to STAY in a marriage, even if that marriage is bad. It's 100% selfish to leave. Working together, side by side, could very well turn that "bad" marriage back to good, all while not bailing on someone during their darkest hour. John Lackey is an indefensible disgusting human being for running out on his wife when she needs every person around her to support her.
Marriage isn't "his needs" and "her needs." It's "our needs" while meeting as close to the middle so everyone is happy. Lackey, clearly, is "his needs." It's awful.
I am not old fashioned. I believe marriage is a partnership, an equal one. I think some things you can't recover from (physical or verbal abuse). But I feel very stronly that if you say this if front of your friends and family:
"...better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
You better damn well mean it.
And sorry, I also feel that if you have never been married and have never faced the struggles that come with that union you don't have much ground to stand on to disagree with those vows. Dating for eight years is a long time, however you could walk away without any fan fare at any time. No matter how you spin it, marriage is different - it's a different level. There are some things in this life that you have no business speaking to without experience. "I know what you're feeling, I've been sick too", coming from someone who has had the flu towards someone with brain cancer and mets to the liver is, frankly, irresponsible.
"I've dated someone for a long time?" Great. It's not the same as the commitment of marriage and raising a family. It just isn't.
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