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Author Topic: Funny True Stories  (Read 3285 times)
Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« on: October 04, 2012, 11:57:36 am »
A recent event that happened to me inspired this thread. I think we all have some pretty funny stuff happen to us and can't wait to hear your stories. I have several, but here is the most recent.

The wife and I are driving down the road in my X-Terra (love it) making casual conversation. She mentioned seeing a letter from Nissan in the mail...conversation went like this...

Wife (W): Hey, I saw you got a letter from Nissan. What did they want?

Me: It was a "recall notice". Before I could say anything else she really went off...

Wife: I don't trust those notices. They just want to get you to the dealership and try to sell you other repairs......

(she went on and on)

Me: Silent....

Wife after a few minutes: What was the notice about anyway?

Me: Something about a possible defective bolt that holds down the passenger seat (remember, we are driving down the road and she is in the passenger seat). They say it could come apart in the case of a crash.

Wife: YOU NEED TO GET THAT FIXED!!!

LMAO!!!

 
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aquaaiea
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« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2012, 05:14:10 pm »
Pretty funny! Hey Fins I looked you up via Internet, it's just not the same without you. I hope you don't mind chasing you down. My story is..... My friend owns and pampers he's car like it was his girl, actually he has not had a girl for awhile and when it was time for him to upgrade and sell his car, I suggested that the add read " pristine passenger seat"! Hehehe!
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Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2012, 10:13:21 am »
Quote from: aquaaiea on October 05, 2012, 05:14:10 pm
Pretty funny! Hey Fins I looked you up via Internet, it's just not the same without you. I hope you don't mind chasing you down. My story is..... My friend owns and pampers he's car like it was his girl, actually he has not had a girl for awhile and when it was time for him to upgrade and sell his car, I suggested that the add read " pristine passenger seat"! Hehehe!

LMAO! You have a mean streak.  Cheesy

My daily routine was to put a couple of bottles of water in the freezer for a couple of hours before getting off work and hitting the gym. They would stay cold and last my entire workout.

One day I am on one of the machines and this guy comes up to me and says "hey that is a great idea (pointing at the water)." I said, "yeah, it lasts my whole workout." Then he says, "how did you get the ice in there?" I just kind of looked at him.

THEY WALK AMONG US!   
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Landshark
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« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2012, 12:03:18 pm »
I was boating down in the Keys once and I happened to come upon a school of stingrays in the shallow water.  I took some of the cut bait I had left, got in the water with my mask/snorkel, and started to feed them.  This one little baby ray swam up to me, sucked up the piece of fish I had in my hand like a vaccum cleaner, then sat staring at me for a few seconds.  It's like he was saying "Hey buddy, you got anymore?"  Just a moment connecting with nature if you ask me.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2012, 04:52:44 pm by Landshark » Logged
Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2012, 12:17:53 pm »
I was diving in the Keys and was about 60 down. It was a bright sunny day and visibility was excellent. I am trying to get some fish for my aquarium around the reef and all the sudden it goes total black...NO LIGHT!

Man I freak out...I am used to clouds, but that is gradual. This was like someone flipped a light switch. I immediately look up and not 5 feet above me is this huge Manta Ray with a wing span of 10-12 feet. The sucker blocked the sun! He never saw me...... or didn't care.

Scared the crap out of me! 
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MyGodWearsAHoodie
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« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2012, 06:36:42 pm »
My GF and a buddy of mine's wife would often go "window shopping" together.  An activity me and my buddy find pointless.  If you need something you go to the store and buy it.  If you don't need anything, why go shopping?  Browsing for stuff, is a waste of time.

Well, with winter coming.  He decided he should finally get around to fixing a broken storm window.

We told them we were going "window shopping"  (not explaining what we meant)  and asked them if they wanted to come along.  Out of increadable curiosity they came along.

We went to Lowes.  Bought a window. And was back in the car in less than 5 mins. 

On the way home my GF told me she would be very nervous if I ever offered to take her to a flea market.   
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el diablo
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« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2012, 06:42:06 pm »
You weren't driving down Tropical Trail, were you?
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Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2012, 10:02:21 am »
Quote from: MyGodWearsAHoodie on October 08, 2012, 06:36:42 pm
My GF and a buddy of mine's wife would often go "window shopping" together.  An activity me and my buddy find pointless.  If you need something you go to the store and buy it.  If you don't need anything, why go shopping?  Browsing for stuff, is a waste of time.

Well, with winter coming.  He decided he should finally get around to fixing a broken storm window.

We told them we were going "window shopping"  (not explaining what we meant)  and asked them if they wanted to come along.  Out of increadable curiosity they came along.

We went to Lowes.  Bought a window. And was back in the car in less than 5 mins. 

On the way home my GF told me she would be very nervous if I ever offered to take her to a flea market.   



That's funny!

Here is one a little off topic because it isn't funny, just very odd. What a way to go!!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/10/09/3040873/man-dies-after-winning-roach-eating.html
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Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2012, 06:13:42 pm »
Not sure if this is funny, odd or oddly funny, but here goes.

This morning the wife took our dogs to the desert to get their morning run. On the way out, she stopped and picked up our 2 daily newspapers (we have a long driveway, I even truck the trash to the curb). She parked in a common area and threw the papers in the bed of her truck and went for the walk.

When she got back one of the newspapers were gone with a dollar attached to the other paper. Last week a paper came up missing in the same fashion, but no dollar. Someone is going into the bed of her truck and helping themselves to the paper. How odd. She came home mad as a hornet. I thought it was pretty funny. She didn't agree.

I said, at least they felt guilty enough to leave a buck this time. lol
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Dave Gray
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« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2012, 03:18:31 pm »
True story, happened a few weeks ago:

My wife is a teacher and I am newly on her insurance plan.  In order to get a reduced rate, I had to do a healthy physical: bloodwork, turn your head and cough, etc.   I haven't done a full physical since I was in high school, for sports.

After all of the testing is done, the doc asks me to drop my pants.  So I do, and I'm just out there in the wind.  He prods around a few times, then says "OK, we're good."

Immediately, he walks out of the room and I overhear him telling a nurse: "It is WAY too cold in there."
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Brian Fein
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WHAAAAA???

chunkyb
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2012, 03:20:36 pm »
it must be freezing everywhere I go, then.
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Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2012, 05:00:13 pm »
Quote from: Brian Fein on October 11, 2012, 03:20:36 pm
it must be freezing everywhere I go, then.

I heard on the Bob & Tom show some dude was passing through security at an airport and they pulled him to the side because of the bulge in his pants. Turns out that he was not trying to smuggle anything and come to find out, he holds the record for the worlds biggest penis. Something like 8"...soft! That would be 14-16" hard  Holy crap! Will try and find the link. 
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bsfins
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« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2012, 10:58:28 am »
Not funny really,but more of stupid things we say....

Last night my "wife" was in town,stopped by...She didn't say hi to my dogs as she came in,she ran to the bathroom,so they waited to ambush her in the dining room.She came through the laundry room, they started dancing,barking,getting all excited...She pets them,talks to them for a moment....Then says "Ok, guys...Beep,Beep...Let me through" They get all excited.She might have said it twice....She says "B...Your dogs wont let me through" ...I called them,and said...."Why did you say Beep Beep to them? like they know what that is...Yeah they really fight that traffic to the water bowl every morning." 
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Fins4ever
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Dan the Dolphin
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2012, 12:16:18 pm »
My M-I-L lost the key to her portable safe and could not remember where her "spare" key was. She asked me to try and open it. After several attempts to try and pick the lock I gave up and asked her what was in it. She said she could not remember (she is 91).

I told her that since she was not sure if it had important documents or not we needed to get it open, so I took it to a locksmith. Even he had a hard time opening it. After finally getting it open, the only thing tat was in it was........................


scroll down












Yep, the spare key.
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CF DolFan
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cf_dolfan
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2012, 03:39:56 pm »
Quote from: Fins4ever on October 11, 2012, 05:00:13 pm
I heard on the Bob & Tom show some dude was passing through security at an airport and they pulled him to the side because of the bulge in his pants. Turns out that he was not trying to smuggle anything and come to find out, he holds the record for the worlds biggest penis. Something like 8"...soft! That would be 14-16" hard  Holy crap! Will try and find the link. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/jonah-falcon-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html

"I had my 'stuff' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time," said Falcon, whose penis is 9 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. "One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.'"
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