Prime Example of Alternate Email Bizarro Universe

[crazy_scar_man]

Not only do I have multiple emails that have been used to submit client's web sites, I also get copied on alot of client's emails so I can track leads. I probably get as much SPAM as anyone.

I've seen all sorts of emails:

- African Princes wanting to "partner" with me

- Emails coming through that look like they were sent by me (reminding me to buy something)

- Bogus PayPal / Ebay emails wanting me to update my billing info (the link took me to a site that mimiced each flawlessly)

- Porn of course... but emails have gotten more and more obscene. Subject line of one received last month: "Hooker gets raped in Police Station"

The content and objectives of SPAM really makes it unique from any other media. I really can't think of anything else (T.V., Radio, Pop Ups, Banners etc.) that comes close in sheer unchecked obsurdity.

My post comes today after receiving the email below. I was almost able to read it entirely. However, my vision started to blur as my brain started to bleed and seep out of my eyes.

----------------------- Original Message -----------------------
From:    Holloway Estelle <hwlizpf@nara.gov>
To:      matt@gwmg.net
Date:    Sat, 14 Jan 2006 09:41:11 -0000
Subject: personal message
----

Hi, matt.


I manysided of stones a cells the word? is grizzled
She typist was supernaturally  of cave  it vermin sand
Me worrying whatever is manner of preoccupied a perfume
A symbol the borders stands it assuredly she opinion
You outer of scowled the pretexts and normal? or performance
Not flight you programmes and quite me animations inheritance
No snuffing is lake this bandit of sorrel the burntedged
If defending we severely of pleased a gobbled is stupidly
An thrust me nuclear you telephoning she speakers philistine
Have reappear makeup of obeyed it rained was matches
Was looking not venerable sepulchral a prosaic or blizzard
And reduced feared is comprehensible of audience an chains


--
Best Regards,
Holloway Estelle

[run_to_win]

If you google Holloway Estelle you'll find out that she is the Valedictorian of her public high school class.  

By the way, if you still have the email from the African Princess will you please forward it to me?  

[Sunstroke]

I manysided of stones a cells the word? is grizzled
She typist was supernaturally  of cave  it vermin sand
Me worrying whatever is manner of preoccupied a perfume
A symbol the borders stands it assuredly she opinion
You outer of scowled the pretexts and normal? or performance
Not flight you programmes and quite me animations inheritance
No snuffing is lake this bandit of sorrel the burntedged
If defending we severely of pleased a gobbled is stupidly
An thrust me nuclear you telephoning she speakers philistine
Have reappear makeup of obeyed it rained was matches
Was looking not venerable sepulchral a prosaic or blizzard
And reduced feared is comprehensible of audience an chains

This could be the most brilliantly abstract and poignant poem I have ever read...or it might be total dogshit. I've definitely smoked too many bongs tonight to adequately judge such things. All I know is that when I read the line "An thrust me nuclear you telephoning she speakers philistine," my left eyelid twitched uncontrollably for a full 15 seconds.

[Brian Fein]

This email wreaks in "virus" - since its not trying to sell you anything.

(or adware, or spyware...)

Its like random words thrown together by a random-word-generator to get thru your SPAM filter, if you have one.

You may wanna scan your computer.

[Sunstroke]

This email wreaks in "virus" - since its not trying to sell you anything.

(or adware, or spyware...)

Its like random words thrown together by a random-word-generator to get thru your SPAM filter, if you have one.

You may wanna scan your computer.

You obviously just don't appreciate good poetry.  

[Brian Fein]

You obviously just don't appreciate good poetry.  

I do - but I've got this one in my email numerous times, but all by different authors.  This is clearly the most plagiarized work in the history of the universe.

[Sunstroke]

This is clearly the most plagiarized work in the history of the universe.

I know...I've had my lawyer chasing these punks since 1994.  

[crazy_scar_man]

Oh there was a zip file attached to the email, but I'd have to be the dummest owner of an internet company in the world to open it.