Dumbest crack dealer ever

[Phishfan]

What makes this story so good for me is it happened right here.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0203061duh1.html

[Frimp]

 

I love the "dumb criminal stories"

[AZ Fins Fan 55]

LMFAO.....that is hysterical.....what a jackass!!!!!

[Sunstroke]

I love the "dumb criminal stories"

Me too...

They used to have the Darwin awards on the radio at night, and while not all of them were criminal situations, some of the best ones were. Probably my favorite that I remember was the report out of Uruguay, where a thief broke into the window of a chemical factory that produced model airplane glue late one night. The thief was going to steal enough sniffing-glue to sell on the streets and make a tidy amount of money. Only problem was that he was also a user, and decided to go ahead and sample the merchandise while he was stealing it. He took a couple of good healthy lungfuls of the vapors, got dizzy and passed out, falling against and knocking over a large barrel of the glue, which proceeded to puddle around him and glue him to the concrete factory floor. When the morning crew and then the police got there the next day, assumedly after they finished laughing their asses off, they had to use a chemical which severely burned his skin, just to get him off the floor and arrest him.

[Dave Gray]

Holy shit!  That's Ben Roethlisberger from his drunk night!

[Frimp]

Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. They placed the message "HE'S LYING" in the copier, and pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed to the police.

(17 June 2000, Florida) Another one from the Stupid Criminal file. A man murdered a female acquaintance and dumped her burned body in a remote location in Southwest Florida. Seven weeks after the crime, he remembered her jewelry and returned to the body to recover his loot. But the charred skeleton had been found and identified only the day before. When deputies stopped the suspicious vehicle on the lonesome road, the driver attempted to accelerate to freedom. Instead he crashed into the sheriff's portable command post, making the manhunt that much simpler. A classic example of the culprit returning to the scene of the crime is enhanced by this piquant twist: if the murderer is sentenced to Florida's death penalty, he may one day qualify for a Darwin Award instead of just an Honorable Mention.

01 March 1998) Randy Nestor, 28, was a considerate car thief. When the stolen cars became hot, he didn't just abandon them, he torched them. Setting the cars on fire, he reasoned, helped the owners collect insurance on their vehicles. This criminal habit became his downfall. After a 10-year career of theft, Randy burned to death in Pittsburgh, PA in a van which he had set fire to from the inside. He hadn't realized that the door handle on the driver's side was broken. Friends tried to release him, but the door was locked. His burned body was found inside the van on Sunday.


The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool.

No one else was hurt.


 

[Sunstroke]

^^^ Love it... I'd heard the copy machine one, but since I was no stranger to siphoning gas for our dirt bikes when I was a kid, the raw sewage one is freakin hilarious.

[YoFuggedaboutit]

What makes this story so good for me is it happened right here.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0203061duh1.html

That guy looks wired...... big time.  Also, my apologies, Maine, but he bears a strong resemblence to you. 

[YoFuggedaboutit]

Here's some more dumb crimes:


Kansas:  A woman wearing a ski mask and toting an unloaded gun entered a Circle K convenience store attempting to hold it up.  After handing over the cash in the register, the clerk invited the female robber to enter the store's random sweepstakes for a chance to win a trip for two to Hawaii.  Taking the entry blank, the woman filled it out with her REAL name and address.

New Jersey:  A man went into a bank and robbed two tellers of all the cash in their drawers.  He got away with over $7000.  Unfortunately for him, he worked for an A/C company and was wearing his uniform during the robbery, which had his name on the left side and the company name on the right.  When the police entered the building he was working in later that day to arrest him, they found him still in uniform and the money IN HIS BACK POCKET.

North Carolina:  You know how teens like to wear "dropped" pants?  Well this teen robber literally ended up getting caught with his pants down.  He entered a Hardees with a gun.  After ordering a meal, he pulled out the gun and demanded money from the cashier who also happened to be the store manager.  The manager, a matronly black lady, decided to confront the teen and challenged him to shoot her.  He then chickened out and tucked the gun back in his pants and took off for his waiting ride with her in hot pursuit.  When he was about halfway to the car, his pants, which were much too large for him, fell down and he tripped over them.  The manager then subdued him and grabbed the gun, turning it on his buddies waiting in the car while she waited for the police to arrive. 


Florida:  Interesting way to leave a trail.  A cat burglar robbed a house of all its jewelry, setting off a silent alarm in the process.  The burglar fled the house on foot just as the first set of police cars arrived.  Being a former sprinter on his high school track team, and knowing the neighborhood very well, he easily outran the first squad cars.  But as more squad cars picked up his trail, he found it much more difficult to lose them.  Eventually there were too many police cars trailing him and he surrendered.  How were the police able to trail him so easily?  They simply followed the flashing red lights on his Nike sneakers which blinked every time his feet hit the ground.