No, no, no. MAINE is in line for the next franchise. 'Stroke and I will run it. The Ogunquit "No-he-just-didn't's."
Pulling off an amazing courtroom power play (after proof that commissioner Dave took a payoff from the Arkansas contingent), Mainestroke Ventures, LLP forces the NFL to rescind the Arkansas appointment and award the league's 33rd franchise to Ogunquit, Maine. After a brief but very intense internal power struggle between Mainestroke's two founders, the new franchise will hereby be named:
The Ogunquit PoofsIn an effort to appeal to the local fan base, the franchise announced that the team colors will be "various and bright...chartreuse will likely be involved" and the team mascot will "vaguely resemble a dandelion."
Football fans of Ogunquit, get off your brother and rejoice. You have been graced with your very own expansion NFL franchise.
You have no players, but you have the first pick in the draft, and the availability to grab some free agents, as well as the second rate scrubs from the rest of the NFL.
What area of the game do you work on first? Who do you hire to coach?
To coach the Poofs, we bring in Steve Mariucci, because he's among the best candidates available and his boyish good looks and tenure in SF will endear him to the fans.
In FA, we sign: QB Josh "tears of" McCown, LB Julian Peterson, WR Joe Jurevicius, WR David Givens, CB Ty Law and numerous second tier players to compete for starting jobs and for depth.
In trades, we acquire DE John Abraham from the Jets and soon-to-be convict, safety Sean Taylor from the Skins (Poofs love bad boys).
In the draft, we set a record for most first round trade downs...six of 'em. We trade down to #2 with Houston so they can get Bush, then we trade down to #4 so the Titans can get Leinart. Then we trade down to #10 with Detroit so they can get Ferguson. Then we trade down to #17 so Miami can get Cutler, before finally trading down one more time with Denver, adding one of our second rounders and #17 for Denver's #23 and #30 picks.
Once all the maneuvering is done, the Poofs own the #23 and #30 in the first round, plus 4 second round picks and 4 third rounders (setting yet another draft record with 10 first day picks). We select: OT Marcus McNeill, RB Laurence Maroney, LB Bobby Carpenter, TE Tony Scheffler, CB Jason Allen, C Nick Mangold, OT Daryn Colledge, DE Darryl Tapp, CB Darnell Bing and QB Omar Jacobs.
See ya in the Super Bowl in 5 years, folks!