F-ed family wedding.

[BeefStewert]

So, last Thursday my brother-in-law, Brian, got married and I unfortunately had to attend.  It ended up being one of the worst days of my life since I had to watch my wife and mother-in-law cry several times (and not out of happiness).  There were a lot of hurtful things that Brian's fiancee's family did - like laughing at our gifts even though they brought none and forgetting (yeah right) to bring the wedding cake my mother-in-law bought to dinner.  We also found out about something that Brian's wife did that absolutely pissed off my wife and her mother.  I wanted to find out what you guys thought of this.

About a month before their wedding, Brian's fiance called him up and let him know that she commissioned a jeweler to design her own wedding ring and that she was having the bill sent to him.  This was the first he heard of her wanting a new ring.  I saw the hideous ring, and I bet it cost around $5-10k.  I think that is pretty fucked up, but that wasn't the kicker.  In addition, she traded in the engagement ring that Brian had purchased for her as a down payment.  That is the part I find especially fucked up.  Brian put in a lot of legwork for over a month searching for that ring.  I'm also sure that he spent more on the engagement ring than he really could afford.  One other thing about Brian is that he is legally blind and color blind.  He can't drive and can't see more than a few feet in front of him.  I know that buying jewelry was a very difficult process for him in the first place since he can't see the details, features, or flaws.

So my question is, should Brian have called off the wedding at that point?  Is this an indication of what he can expect through the marriage? 

Also, this wasn't a big wedding - only 8 people were invited.  The marriage was at the courthouse and we went out to dinner afterward.  So it wouldn't have been a big deal or cost to call off or delay the weddding.

[Dave Gray]

If she's the kind of girl who's going to trade in her wedding ring, I have a feeling that Brian may have picked up on that little personality tidbit long before their wedding day, so in a word: no.

I'd never want to be with someone like that, but I also trust in myself that someone wouldn't be able to fool me for that long.

[bsfins]

(I'll leave the funny remarks to Stroke)

It sounds abit like a sugar daddy situation,to me....

This sounds like something that would happen in my family....

I've taken to the philosophy,"As long as thier happy,Whatever makes them happy." I've used on both my sisters leaving thier husbands....

Back on topic....
Call off the wedding probably not,take him aside,and talk to him...aski him is this really what he wants? Ask him why he wants to do this? Then...You might have found a red flag....JMO

[Sunstroke]

(I'll leave the funny remarks to Stroke)

Hey...I can be serious...sometimes!

Her cashing in the engagement ring would have been the first clue. The wanting to go out and get some massive other ring instead...clue two. The fact that she waited to spring all of it on him virtually at the last minute without any "how would you feel if..." equals clue three.

Three strikes, and the gold-digging bimbo goes down swinging!

[Denver_Bronco]

Tell him to enjoy divorce court. Of course, first she will make sure she has at least 1 child with him to get the child support as well as alimony.....

[Phishfan]

What an experience this was. I would have had to sit back with some cold ones after that day.

I think Brian should have called off the wedding, I would have. There are probably more issues at play though. Since Brian is legally blind and is in a relationship with what I like to call a controlling bitch, I am guessing Brian is probably a great guy, easy going and wonderful to get along with. But I would guess (purely guesswork since I have never met him at all) maybe he has a bit of a complex and is not sure he would find another woman. I think Brian has put himself in a position where he can expect similar behavior throughout the marriage. Some guys really like this type of relationship though, so he may know exactly what he is getting into and doesn't mind.

[Dave Gray]

There are plenty of nice, loving ugly girls out there.  If you're legally blind, grab one of those and be done with us.

It's the rest of us with great vision that are made to suffer.

[CF DolFan]

My season tickets today cost more than my wife’s wedding ring that I had bought in 1990 as it was what we could afford.  We have only recently begun to look for updating her ring. If the size of the ring would have been one of Mrs. CF's top priorities ... I don't think she would have been the girl for me. No one wants an ugly ring but compromise and sacrifice is where marriage begins.  She was very disrespectful to do this to him. I'd be willing to bet this isn't the only way she abuses him.

I can't see your brother-in-law being happy for too long (or vice versa) if that is where she puts her priorities either.  Unfortunately outside of an initial conversation with him the only thing you can do is accept it and hope for the best. I have learned to stay out of my families business because it only causes conflict between us.  If you’re a good relative you will still be around to pick up the pieces once she finds a bigger cash cow to come along because it sounds like he's going to need it.

[Denver_Bronco]

There are plenty of nice, loving ugly girls out there.  If you're legally blind, grab one of those and be done with us.

It's the rest of us with great vision that are made to suffer.

LMFAO !

[run_to_win]

Tell him to enjoy divorce court. Of course, first she will make sure she has at least 1 child with him to get the child support as well as alimony.....

Agreed.

Hey, was that a pig that just flew past my window?

[BeefStewert]

Okay, some background information....

Brian was been having doubts about getting married for months and they have been engaged for 2 years.  He is aware of his familiy's feelings and none of us knows why he has stuck with this girl.  The blind piece could be huge.  He has a lot to offer, but he also has a lot of needs because of his vision.

As for the gold-digging part, his wife is very money hungry.  She grew up in an extrememly wealthy family (Brian did not).  She went to a private school for K-12 that today costs $25k/yr.  However, a few years back her father suddenly disappeared and a few days later the government came looking for him.  Basically they took everything.  So the family went from extreme wealth to near poverty levels.  However, they had already more than established expensive tastes.  As a lawyer, Brian has the pontential to offer a return to the lifestyle she has become used to.  She herself just finished her second year of a combined Law/MBA program.

I just think it is a pretty fucked up situation and thought I would share.  It has been on my mind since last Thursday.  Personally, I would have been crushed if my wife had dumped her engagement ring.  I didn't spend too much on it (only $2k) so the money part doesn't matter too much to me.  But, it has the diamond from my mother's engament ring in it and Iworked hard to find what I thought was the right one.  If she felt the need to get a new ring, it would have been a clear rejection.  And if I had already been having doubts about the marriage, I would have at least delayed the ceremony.  

[BeefStewert]

Tell him to enjoy divorce court. Of course, first she will make sure she has at least 1 child with him to get the child support as well as alimony.....

We are worried about this.  But as a lawyer, we trust that Brian at least knows what he may be getting himself into leagally.  I don't know if he had her sign a pre-nup.  He has been a practicing lawyer for a year.  She is in law school.  They both have more debt than assets, so I don't think there would have been much of a point.

Also, I'm not sure if he is planning on having kids because his vision is a genetic condition.  Having had a lot of difficulties as a child, he doesn't want his children to go through the same thing.

[MaineDolFan]

Hate to say it, but it sounds like she has the "grass is greener" sickness about a lot in life.  This easily translates into torrid meetings with other guys in hotel rooms once she bores of Brian.  I would suggest he run for the hills before she ruins him for life.

[bsfins]

I'm going to contridict something you said beef....

We are worried about this.  But as a lawyer, we trust that Brian at least knows what he may be getting himself into leagally.  I don't know if he had her sign a pre-nup.  He has been a practicing lawyer for a year.  She is in law school.  They both have more debt than assets, so I don't think there would have been much of a point.

As a Lawyer,he might be blinded by his personal involvement,and forget what's the best thing is to do...

[CF DolFan]

I'm going to contridict something you said beef....
As a Lawyer,he might be blinded by his personal involvement,and forget what's the best thing is to do...

That's what the old saying means ... anyone who represents themself has a fool for a client!